Target: Terror (Wii)

Is it called Target: Terror because that's where the terrorists bought their clothes?

Target: Terror is a messy little throwback of a shooting game, a slab of arcade retro on white bread with a thick slice of cheese. As you play it, you find yourself thinking that you and your buds could make a better game next Saturday afternoon. And that's just the way Konami planned it...hopefully, because any other explanation is just too horrible to contemplate.

Leviathan Games gets the credit for shoveling this Wii version from the original arcade code created by Raw Thrills in 2003. It's hard to imagine that two years post 9/11, after the Homeland Security Act was passed into law, and even after the Office of Homeland Security was created that this homespun terrorists send-up was blissfully swallowing tokens in arcades across America. Maybe there was something cathartic about it at the time, but don't expect to recoup your money here.

On all levels Target: Terror qualifies as a blast from the past. It was originally a rail shooter gun game in full-motion video, and it's now been recast as a Remote-only shoot-em-up for the Wii. Your adversaries/ human targets look like they were outfitted by one of those cheap costume emporiums that pop up in abandoned bank buildings a few weeks before Halloween. And the FMV with the funky costumes is hilarious.

Playing it for laughs and snickers, the game's visuals do an absurdist take (whether intentionally or unintentionally) on terrorist imagery lifted from the headlines. There's a woman who looks like a glam version of Tanya (a.k.a. Patty Hearst) from the S.L.A. There's a guy channeling that drawing of the Unabomber in a hoodie. There's a flabby guy in a cheap-looking knit sweat suit. There's another guy who could be a flasher except he's wearing a dynamite vest. Oh, yes, and there's some random Asians in knit caps, too. It's like someone at a ski mask convention said, "Hey, everybody, let's make a terrorist game. Meet back here in 30 minutes dressed like one…and wear sunglasses."

Target: Terror might have made folks afraid to go back to the arcades.

The mini-games are worth a shot. Here terrorists are driving golf carts.

The over-the-top poses, the choppy animation, and the overacted cries of pain all kind of smoosh together into a nostalgic trip down arcade shoot-em-up lane. In fact, your tolerance for Terror's errors is directly proportional to the degree to which you can self-anesthesize yourself with such memories. Otherwise you'd admit it was all just awful.

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Target: Terror breaks down into 12 levels set in four locations, three of which have the worst security setups west of the Mississippi--the Denver Airport, the Golden Gate Bridge, and Los Alamos Nuclear Laboratory. The fourth location's on an airliner. The bad guys crawl across the floor, pop out from behind crates and barrels, slide down on invisible ropes from the ceiling, and jump up for an "in your face" in front of you. You just fire away making sure to reload by pointing the Remote off screen and pulling the trigger. Oh, and be sure not to shoot hostages, employees who are too deaf to hear gunfire, and the useless security personnel who just get in the way, or you lose a life.

For variety you can snipe icons that temporarily arm you with submachine guns, shotguns, flamethrowers, grenade launchers, and a freeze gun (easily the best weapon in the game). Two players can play co-op, or what the heck--try dual Remote gunslinging all by your lonesome.

Terror's funky personality extends to the controls, too. Sometimes the targeting cursor drags across the screen like it's in a dream state. At other times, you line a terrorist up in your sights, pull the trigger...and nothing happens. If you cared, it might drive you a little crazy.

But the point of Target: Terror is that there is no point. As befitting a game that originally made its money one quarter at a time, there are no save points per se. But you get 40 lives to blast through all 12 levels at one sitting to beat the game. As your reward you unlock nine goofy-sometimes-hilarious minigames that are all Target: Terror knockoffs of other arcade games. And of course, just like in the arcades, the game records your high scores (although it's hard to imagine the circumstances where someone would want to brag about beating this game).

Target: Terror is one of those games that's so bad, it's almost...almost better than bad. If you're willing to surrender to the surreal goofiness of it all, it's good for a few laughs. Just toss your values out the window and gear your mind down into shooter mode. But unless you're doing some serious research into the history of arcade games, it's impossible to justify paying top Wii dollar for it. Better to pool some money together for a weekend rental. Maybe you could throw a Target: Terror party where everyone dresses up like a terrorist...maybe.

Pros:Funky, retro gameplay is nostalgic; wacky minigames poke fun at other games; doesn't cost a quarter to play.
Cons: Controls sometimes imprecise and inaccurate; graphics look seriously dated; animation is laggy.

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The same terrorists keep popping up all over.