Katlin awoke to a tickling feeling on her foot. blurry eyed she looked down and saw the cat, but as her eyes cleared she realized that some thing had changed. it was bigger now, the size of a small tiger and its tale was long and had split in two and then the tickle of the cats licking turned in to nibbling and thats when...

you are startled from sleep when you here a scream from Katlin's room you leap from bed and instinctively grab your Bash-light out of your pack and run out into the hallway to Katlin's door but it's locked.you bang on the door and can only faintly hear her cries for help through the thick door(which is apparently much more soundproof the the walls connecting your rooms)
and then you smell a familiar urine and hear a strange sound coming up behind you something like Chomp Chomp Chomp...you turn to look down the dimly lit hallway and in the strobe of your Bash-light see Lil'C walking down the hall it's three heads continually bitting in a hypnotically synchronized motion.you step to the side as it walks up to the door and chews it up like a wood chipper. you rush into the room and see Katlin trying to fend off a bakeneko. you start to go towards the evil cat but Lil'C runs in between you and the monstrous feline and bites off its tales and the cat shrinks back to normal size. it looks very agitated as it hisses at Lil'C,scratches you on the leg,jumps up on the table,pees on the lamp and jumps out the window.
you look at Lil'C "uhhh.. thanks for the help" you say feeling little strange talking to the weird little dog-ish thing "oh no problem at all my good man." the three heads(taking turns to say each word) speak with surprising fluidity and with a suave British accent."you would not believe how often they try this trick"
"Trick?" you ask.
"yes trick.they send that darned cute cat out to find wealthy travelers and take them back to the restaurant were they can feed it between the hours of 7 and 3 so it will turn in to a bakeneko,then they send them to this inn and have it eat them so they can steal their money."
"How can they do that?"Katlin says in disgusted.
"well they do put a warning on the cat for legal purposes but they use cheap collars that are assured to fall off.thats why i tried to stop it by eating your dinner."
"well why didn't you just tell us then?"
"because then i would have lost my cover as a dumb animal which they just assume because of my well...(he lowers his head shamefully)lets just say bathroom issues"
you pat him on the back and say "it's ok i understand..."

"So...," you start uncertainly, "what now? Is there anything we can do for you? And who, by the by, are "they"? The ones who sent the hissy pissy pussy cat? The ones who set this whole trick scheme up? And where do you fit in? Why are you going around stopping them, and under cover at that? What's your stake in all of this? - Not that I'm not grateful, you understand, but..."

Lil'C (the Triple D - Diminutive Demon Dog - as you've mentally tagged him) sighed and finished the sentence for you. "...but altruism just isn't seen much anymore. I don't suppose you'd believe me if I said it was because I just enjoyed dealing with the cat creeps?" He looked up hopefully.

"Nope. No dice. Too simple. You're too smart for that to be the only thing involved. If that was all, you'd find a way to go after the source. Fess up. What's the deal?" You cross your arms and give Lil'C a look - the kind of look that says You aren't BS'ing me and you know it. Give... now...

Lil'C sighs again. "Oh well, I suppose it would have been too much to hope for... but I'm tired right now. Hmm... ... .... I know! Why don't we all get some shut eye. I'll come with you in the morning and we'll talk then. I'll sleep just inside the door here in Kat's room, in case the cat culprit or his cohorts decide to try again."

And, thus saying, Lil'C promptly curls up on a pillow that had apparently been thrown to the floor during the struggle with the tricky tabby and goes to sleep. Well, mostly anyway. From the look of it, two of his heads were settling in for some sleepy-time while the third head was alert, apparently on guard. You surmise that the heads probably take turns on watch.

You quietly bid Katlin a good night, return to your room, and go back to sleep.

The rest of the night passes undisturbed, and, trained as you are to rise shortly after the sun, you wake up to the still, silent sunrise, which you watch through your East-facing window. You deal with your morning hygiene, get dressed, make sure all your gear and items are in place and well secured (all there) and open the door. You go and knock on Katlin's door, and before you can even knock a third time...

a kindly look old woman answers the door.You realize something is wrong, fly off the handle, grab her by the robe collar, slam her against the wall and scream at her "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH KATLIN!!!!"she starts to squirm and says"i don't know what your talking about" you slam her up against the wall again"TELL ME Old Woman or i swear I'll take This Bash-light and.."
"Merchant?what are you Doing?"you turn and see Katlin ready to go,standing with Lil'C in the hallway and realize that Katlin's door had been eaten by Lil'C last night and that her room was to the left of yours and you are now on the right."i...ummm..."you turn your head back towards the woman and see a spark of life and vengeance in that old lady's eyes that you have never seen in all your days and before you know it she has broken your grip and Judo thrown you down the hall, you stand up just in time to see a slippered foot flying into your face and feel your self crash through a window and fall out into the street.
you lay there for a few moments stunned at what just happened.you hear someone run over to you and you recognize it's Katlin when she says"Merchant! are you OK?"
"i think so.."you say uncertainly as she holds out her hand and helps you up.
once on your feet you check yourself over and see that surprisingly despite being kick out a window, you are none worse for the wear.

"I think, however," you begin shakily, "that I had better go and apologize for that little misunderstanding."

You go and apologize for the little misunderstanding. The old woman - having already kicked you out a window - takes it in stride and forgives you, with an injunction not to do that again.

You go back outside into the morning sunlight and stand next to Katlin and Lil'C.

"So, now what?" you ask. "Didn't you say something about telling us the rest of your story Lil'C?"

"Um, yeah... about that... Hey! Why don't we go get some breakfast?" Before you can get a word out, Lil'C goes rushing on ahead. Katlin of course goes right after him. Sighing, you follow...

but as he runs down the street Lil'C is caught in the talons of a harpy and spirited away by the screeching she-beast as he screams for help.
while you were distracted a festival seems to have formed around you and you are now stuck in one of those complicated folk dances,you are able to keep up thanks to the group dance lessons that your mother made you take as a kid and much to your chagrin you now realize that she was right and they would someday be useful.
you don't really know why all these people are dancing but from the song thats playing you determine that they are celebrating some robin hood like hero,"the hero of Canton, the man they call Jayne".

Now, as it happens, you happened to be dressed rather like robin hood (aside from the backpack of course, so when you shout "STOP!!" everyone gasps as they look at you, freezing in place, murmuring among themselves and pointing.

You put your hands on your hips and demand "What the heck is going on here?" and glare for all you're worth. Katlin puts an arm under yours, but just smiles. Everyone else, on the other hand, looks a wee bit shocked. (this is what they see):

one man steps forward from the crowd and carefully examines your face for a few moments and then says"your not Jayne Cobb!though the resemblance is incredible..but we should have known that he would never wear such a ridiculous backpack. oh well let the celebration continue!!!(everyone start milling about and some start dancing again)here lad why don't you have a glass of milk and relax a bit."he hands you an earthenware cup and you take a drink and notice it's beer!and say"I'd like to see the cow this comes from" the man looks at you quizzically and points off to the side and says"they are right over there grazing in the barley fields"
"ahh the miracles of nature" you think to your self.
the man turns to Katlin "and how bout you sir? would you lik" and before he can even finish his sentence he is gone, Katlin's foot is hanging in the air were he used to be.then you hear a loud crash as he is sent through a nearby wall and everybody stops again and looks to see what it was,they realize what happened and just stare at you."Maybe we should go..."you say to Katlin,but then everyone starts shouting, not an angry shout but joyful one.you again put your hands on your hips and demand "What the heck is going on here?" "do you not know who that was?"one man says"you just killed the tax collector!this will surely go down as the greatest day in town history.and so we can fit in all the jubilation we will make it a week long celebration!!!"everyone shouts "here here" and start to celebrate again.

"Well... that was certainly a good kick, but was it really a good idea?" you ask Katlin. "Whoever that man was collecting taxes FOR is likely to be out for blood - ours, in particular, but the villagers' would also do, I'd think... Did you have any particular plan for dealing with that?"

"well i was thinking we might.."Katlin starts to say but is cut off by a roar coming from the rubble of the wall the tax man was buried under that shakes the whole town.everyone looks toward the broken wall just as the rocks go flying and the tax man stands up and says"YOU THINK I CAN BE DEFEATED SO EASILY?Tax-tron activate!"and all the money gets sucked out of the village and forms a Golem of gold coins around him.

"Um... I think this might be time to beat a hasty retreat..." you say.
"Right"

*you and Katlin turn tail and run for it, but can scarcely get three steps before the golem picks you both up by the scruffs of your respective necks. Figuring it's probably time for a bit of outside assistance, you manage to reach back into your backpack, grab one of the ACME order forms, and hastily fill it out (for instant delivery, of course). Instantly (what a surprise - a company that's on time!), you find yourself holding a package, which you quickly open, point at the golem's foot, and activate. The golem shudders, begins to emit a high pitched whining noise, and, moaning in despair, loses cohesion and breaks up into its component coin form. You and Katlin land on the giant pile of golden coins*

"WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT??" Katlin shouts at you
"It looked like a giant golden coin golem to me..." you begin.
"Not that," she interrupts, cutting you off, "the thing you used to ... to... to do whatever it was exactly that you just did to it!! What the heck is it?"
"Oh," you say, "this?" You hold out the oddly shaped object in your hand for her inspection. It is shaped like a stereotypical Marvin the Martian type ray gun, and has the words ACME Single Use Golden Golem Eradication Super Tool (SUGGEST for short). It bears the little catch phrase "When a Golem's got your Gold, ACME suggests that it's best to use an ACME SUGGEST"

Katlin looks at the contraption, looks back at you, then back at the SUGGEST, just in time to see it disintegrate.
"What the?..." she starts.
"It does say Single Use, doesn't it?" you point out reasonably. "The ones for repeated use had been recalled due to a design flaw which caused overheating. The new version wouldn't have been delivered for two days at least, and I didn't think we had that kind of time..."
"Huh..." She shakes her head in wonder. "What a world..."

The villagers, who had gone from happy to scared to ecstatic, finally stopped staring at you and quickly (and to your immense surprise, honestly) redistributed the gold where it had been taken from. No one took more than they had had taken. This left what amounted to a fairly considerable pile of gold coins unclaimed. The villagers indicated that it had been the personal hoard of the Tax Collector himself, and insisted that you and Katlin should have it as a reward for dealing with the menace once and for all. After securing everything in your pack (and making sure you hadn't lost anything other than the order form you used) and assessing the amount of money you had just gained, you find that you are now richer by 175 gold pieces - a considerable sum considering that a high class dinner might run 15 gold at max for 2 (appetizer, main course, desert, drink, tax, and tip included) - you can't help but think that this was a fairly good morning, other than the whole Lil'C incident.


"Well..." you start, "any ideas on where to start looking for Lil'C?"

"i think we should start there" Katlin says as she points to what you had somehow failed to notice,a giant clock tower in the middle of the city ruins with an equally large birds nest that looks like it started inside and had been built out through the clock faces on each side so that it now is wrapped around the whole tower.you see shapes flying to and fro around it that you assume are harpies.
"well we better get walking"but before you start off you decide to take a mental list of all that you are carrying.
you have:
a Dora the explorer backpack,with near infinite storage capacity

Eleven Big Sacks-O-CASH

175 loose gold pieces

a map of the continent

5 ACME order forms

a nice big water bottle which bears the label "self-refilling everlasting water bottle - only from Arrowhead"

an all purpose Swiss Army Knife/Multi-tool (clippers, nail file, screw, screwdriver, knife, long thin needle which might be a lockpick, a couple tools you can't identify offhand, and an ergonomically designed comfort grip. The blade is about 6 inches)

Bashlight 2000"It lets off a flashing, multicolored glow, but doesn't emit any kind of concentrated beam.Flashing LED bulbs good for up to 3 years guaranteed,Non-fragile outer coating good for repeated bashing, but avoid contact with strong acids. Oh - and don't bash yourself on the head with it - that would hurt..."

one dozen painted steel roses

stalk of eerily glowing purple wheat

a mission to save Leon Rick and pay him back 15 Big Sacks-O-CASH

Katlin has (that you know of):

a go Diego go! Rescue Pack, "a messenger bag that can transform into many different objects,also with an impossibly large storage capacity"

probably more of those steel roses that she was selling

one Big Sack-O-CASH

a Mighty Chuck Norris Beard

As you and Katlin approach the tower, a goat jumps out in front of your path. He (for it is obviously male, with BIG curly horns - which are currently pointed in your direction) says in a (dare I say) goatish voice, "I'm a Bbiiillly Goat Gruff!! Aaaand you caaaaan't paaass unless yoou giiive me somethiiing niiice to eat!!"

You try to push your way past it, but somehow, you find yourself rapidly turned around, just before the goat's charge ends with it's horns ramming into your behind, sending you flying 5 feet forward? which is backward? - away from the tower, at any rate...

"Maybe you should see if you have something he'll take," says Katlin. "Goats eat pretty much anything after all... or, at least, most do..." she falters, glancing nervously at the goat.

Rummaging in your pack, you come across your eerily glowing purple stalk of wheat - you never really knew why you picked it up, to be honest, but you had the feeling it would come in handy somewhere down the line. You figure this might just be that point. You pull it down, walk back to where Katlin and the goat are, and hold it out to the goat.

"Will this do?" you ask.
Before you can blink, the goat jumps forwards and snatched it from your hands in its teeth. A mere fraction of a second later, the whole thing is gone, making its way through the goats innards.
"Mmmoooooorrrre!" the goat demands - or starts to anyway, for just then he freezes completely for just a moment, as if in surprise, then starts to shake. His face takes on a strangely purple tinge, and you see that there are tiny shoots of purple glowing wheat beginning to stick up out of its skin. The goat suddenly disappears back into the bushes from whence he came, and you hear the sound of distant, nonstop retching.

"Apparently," you say as you start Katlin walking again towards the tower, "the goat has decided to be sick. Something he ate, no doubt. After all, you are what you eat, no?"

Leaving the (former?) goat far behind, you continue on towards the tower.

...

...
"Wait a second! Wasn't the tower a whole lot closer a minute ago?" Katlin asks in alarm.

"no... i think its all right lets go" you try to walk to the tower but notice that you are indeed sliding backwards with each step.you turn around and see the goat standing resolutely in the middle of the road,concentrating hard on you. the strange purple wheat is starting to grow and spread out from the bush that the goat was behind.
"I tooolld youuuu to give mee somethinng goooodd" the goat bleats
"ahh it looks like he got better thats nice"you say genuinely, then the goat bears down and you start to slide toward him faster.
"i think we might have a problem here" Katlin says uncertainly
"I think this goat might have powers" you say
"Scary powers.." Katlin adds
"Scary powers, of the mind?"you ask Katlin though you think you already know the answer
"is there any other kind?"she says
"well my uncle had this thing on his foot that was pretty scary..and powerful too,i remember one time he..."you start to chatter on distractedly
then Katlin slaps you in the face and says"Merchant pay attention!angry goat,pulling us toward him!FOCUS" you instinctively try slap her back while your brain starts up again but only manage to hurt your hand on her beard and after clutching your hand in pain for a few seconds you are once again focused on the situation at hand"ohh..right the goat"

You stop for a moment, and, wonder of wonders, the goat stops too. You take a step forward - the goat is one step closer. You take a step backward; the goat is now a step farther away. Thinking that is is simply a matter of going the other direction, you turn around and start walking forward. The goat draws closer.

"But... but..." you splutter.

"Wait," says Katlin. "Try walking backwards without turning around"

Strangely enough, it works. In this manner, you and Katlin reach the foot of the tower, much to the frustration of the now-distant goat, who can still be heard angrily bleating in helpless rage. Sensing that you are now beyond the turn-about-zone (or whatever), you turn and examine the giant double doors of the tower...

you try to open the doors but they seem to be locked,you try to use the lock-pick thing on your multi-tool but not knowing a thing about how locks work you get nowhere with it.
Katlin then says "let me try" and proceeds to take a professional lock-pick set out of her bag and go to work on the lock.after a few minutes of trying all manner of different shaped picks she steps back and says "no-go, can't move it a single Micron.it must rusted stuck after all the years of being unused,i guess we will have to find another way in."

"... hmm... maybe not..." you say. "Katlin, would you be willing to try something a little unorthodox?"

"Just how unorthodox?" Katlin asks suspiciously...

"Well," you start, slightly abashed, "you are Chuck Norris's daughter, and your beard is, ... um ... hard to destroy?" Katlin begins to turn an angry shade of red. "Now don't get angry or anything! I'm not trying to be offensive here! I just thought that maybe if you tried bashing the doors with your Chuck-Norris-derived beard, it might just force the lock?" you finish a bit pathetically, quailing in the face of her anger.

Katlin glares at you a moment and then, taking a few deep breaths, and visibly doing some sort of anger management exercise in her head (counting to 10 or something), she lets out a sigh and says, "I suppose it's worth a shot anyway. This beard must be good for something."

So saying, she proceeds to whack her beard against the door. Once. Twice. Thrice. Nothing. Visibly pissed off, she backs up a ways (apparently once broken, the turn-around-spell thingy stays broken) and then charges at a dead run, beard first. On contact with that formidable force, the hinges of the doors are ripped right off the wall, and the doors, hinges and all, fall inwards flat onto the floor in front of your all in a piece with a massive crash.

You can't help but stare.
"Well," says Katlin, "I guess it is good for something after all. Good idea there. Shall we go in?"

once inside you see a large empty room the only thing of interest is the staircase made of toilet-paper rolls going all the way up to the top of the tower.you go to put your foot on the first step but before you can touch it a imposing voice booms out from nowhere
"DO NOT SQUEEZE THE CHARMIN!"

A little cartoon bear comes RUNNING in out of nowhere, GRABS up a roll of the toilet paper, and goes behind a tree (again, out of nowhere). You hear the sound of tearing toilet paper, followed shortly by a ... flush?? The little bear comes back out from behind the tree - which promptly disappears - sighs in great apparent relief, and says, "Thanks. I HATE it when the toilet paper gets all scrunched up in advance. I would have had to do something nasty to you if you hadn't stopped just then. Well, thanks for listening and stopping in time. I'm done. You can go ahead and climb the stairs now." The bear turns around and walks away. As soon as its body is totally in shadow, the sound of its steps disappears, and when you try to look for it (or where it came from or went back to) you can't find any traces.

You and Katlin look at each other, shrug, and you tentatively put a foot down on the first step (which is now one toilet roll size higher than before, but still and easy step). The rolls neither roll (excuse the pun) nor fall, nor does any trap spring or disaster befall you. So, ever so carefully and with great caution and trepidation, you and Katlin begin to climb the firm-yet-super-soft and absorbent 'Charmin' stairs.

when you reach the top of the stairs you see a small landing and a wall with a very solid looking metal door without any visible hinges or way of opening.
a sign on the wall says "this door opens automatically between 3:00 and 4:00 for clock maintenance."
"so we have to wait till 3:00 to get in?" you ask Katlin
"i don't think that will work, the clock has been stuck at 12:37 for years."
"so..think you can..." you start to say but Katlin cuts you off
"don't even start" and she rears her head back and strikes the door solidly with her beard but is stopped sheerly by the unmoving door.she recoils and holds her head as it obviously rings with pain "what happened?" she manages to mutter.
"i'm not sure.."you say perplexedly "wait whats this?" you say as you see something on the floor out of the corner of your eye.you pick up the spray can and read the label"industrial strength beard repellent.why would anyone need this?"
"oh i should have known" Katlin says now somewhat recovered from her lost fight with the door "they started using that when a group of gnomes were breaking into places and cobbling shoes.

"wait.gnomes cobbling shoes?i thought elves were the ones that cobbled shoes."

"please those pretty boys cobble shoes?they can barely tie shoes yet alone make them...so anyway they were really going nuts and getting in the way and there were just shoes everywhere. so people started collecting and selling all the shoes but there were so many that people were afraid that we would reach the Shoe Event Horizon similar to the people of Brontitall.so they started putting that on anyplace that they could set up shop."

"well what do we do now?"

"Uh... call the Beard Better Business Bureau?"

"wait do you hear that?"you ask
"hear what?"
"that sound..it sounds like goat hooves hitting squeezably soft toilet paper...LOOK OUT!"you scream as you push Katlin to one side and jump to the other as the hungry goat from the pass goes flying through the air between you and rams the door down.
you both stand and look at where the door used to be "well it's open" you say.
as the dust clears you see the goat standing on the door,turned toward you readying to charge when suddenly a harpy grabs the goat in its talons and flies away.you peek out the doorway and see that you are in the middle of a giant harpies nest.hundreds of winged bird women fly about grabbing up anything even remotely eatable and then you hear it.
the smooth,rhythmically spaced voices crying for help that could only be Lil'C's.
"Merchant we have to save him"
"i know but those harpies are eating anything that moves"
"well maybe we could..umm...or we might...hmm..."
"Look at that!"
"the eggs are hatching.."
you watch in astonishment as the dozens of hundreds of eggs start to shake,crack,open and out comes...
"ohh baby harpies"Katlin gushes
"do baby harpies always have no wings?"you ask Katlin
"maybe,i don't know i'v never seen one before"
"and do they always have snakes for hair?"
"ahh i'v heard of lizards that eat bird eggs and leave there own for the bird to hatch for them.some gorgons must have switched their eggs for the harpies."
"gorgons.. then that means..Quick look away"
"what?why?"
"just do it!"you push her head down and hear the sound of a stone harpy fall out of the sky and shatter on the nest "gorgons turn things into stone"
"i thought that was just a myth."
"well it's real baby!" there is now quite a commotion going on in the nest as the harpies are fighting the gorgons.diving,clawing,biting,stone-ization.it's like a war zone out there.
"maybe this is just the distraction we need to rescue Lil'C" Katlin says keenly

"Lil'C," you shout, "SHUT YOUR EYES!!"
You hear a faint return of "gotcha" from Lil'C...

You quickly draw out an ACME order form, and within moments, the form is gone and in its place is a pack of three "Fail-proof ACME Fantastic Filtration Facemasks (TM)". You decide that "facemasks" might be a little much, since they are really just wrap-around goggles, but they are "guaranteed to be 100% (or more) protection against the Baleful Beaming of Basilisks, Dratted Demon Dazzling, the Godforsaken Gaze of Gorgons, the hideous visage of Mothers-in-law, and UV radiation. Comes with 100% reflective unbreakable mirror attachment.

As you and Katlin each don a pair of the goggles (facemasks...whatever) and snap on the mirror attachments (one way mirrors, reflective on the outside only), she looks over at you and asks, "Where the heck do you hear about these things? I wouldn't have even thought such a thing existed!"

You glance over at her, glad for a moment that, mirror attachment or no, the dark outside of the glasses hide your look of sheer incredulity. "You mean you really don't know?"

"Know what?"

"The magic of ACME is that the quality and range of their products is limited only by the imagination of the individual ordering the goods. In other words, if you have a good imagination, know how to avoid loopholes (hence the "unbreakable", "failproof", "everlasting", etc. descriptions), and don't try to ask for something totally unreasonable, an ACME order form is an IOU for whatever you need."

"Are you saying that an ACME order form will give you whatever you want?" Katlin voice sounds shocked, and the question is punctuated by the sound of another harpy crashing to the floor as a stone statue.

"No. It will give you whatever you need, within reason. ACME doesn't deal with living things, so no animals, demons, familiars, genies, etc, nor items that contain them already, so no "magic lamp containing a genie" for example. Likewise, ACME doesn't deal in high power, long lasting, general armament. That is to say, you won't see them giving you a super-enchanted sword that is good against any foe. On the other hand, one good only against demons, but totally useless against anything else, they might do, but probably it would only be good for a given period, or a given number of demons killed. That kind of thing."

"And where did you learn all of this?"

"Well, I have ... had, by now, I suppose ... a cousin who worked for ACME. I used to ask him about ACME all the time, and got a pretty good feel for the ups and downs of the company's product production possibilities."

"Huh...," Katlin says, "Who'd have thunk it? Anyway, let's go get Lil'C back."

You both get up, turn around, and start using your mirrors to direct the gorgons' gazes first at any harpies coming your way, and then at the gorgons themselves. By the time you and Katlin reach Lil'C, the three of you are the only beings still un-stoned in the room. You bend down, place the third pair of goggles on Lil'C (just in case), and tell him that he can open his eyes now.

"Well," Lil'C says, "What the heck just happened here?"

"ohh just your standard every day mythical woman fight." you say nonchalantly
"ok..well how do you suppose we get down from here?" Lil'C says quizzically
"what do you mean?" you say as you look back at the door and see that it has been completely blocked by stone corpses.
"well you better think of something quick. look at what's coming" Lil'C says
you look back at the edge of the nest and see a flock of harpies returning.
"i don't think they'll be to happy when they get back and see what happened"Katlin adds
"looks like were gonna have to jump!" you say in a very dangeresque way


yo rescue pack!
I'm rescue pack coming to the rescue
"Why Is It Singing?we don't have time for the song, we need a three person parachute NOW!" you worriedly yell at Katlin
"it always sings when it transforms"
rescue pack coming to the rescue
I'm rescue pack i got your back
"don't you know how to disable it?"
"no i got it second hand and it didn't have instructions"
i can turn into a parasol or a kayak!
a sea board, a snow board whatever you need
"well we will just have to jump and transform it in the air."you start running and the pack keeps singing.
we can do it nothing to it
a rescue pack coming to the rescue
rescue pack coming to the rescue
ahhhhhh rescue pack!!
it finishes right as you leap off the edge
"what will make us not fall to our certain death?is it a 1979 Maserati Quattroporte?

"is it a..""it's a three person parachute so change right now!"you scream at the pack
"all right! lets go!"and the pack transforms around you and floats gently to the ground.when you land the pack changes back"we better put some distance between us and this clock"you say as you start running down the maze of streets and alleyways.you run for a few minutes until you run by an old electronics store with tvs in the window,as you go by it starts playing a slinky commercial
you stare at it in a hypnotized trance "it's slinky its slinky" you chant.
Katlin catches up and sees the screens "the favorite of girls and boys" she repeats and then in synchronization with the tvs you both say
"everyone wants a slinky, you want get a slinky"and you both walk off in your dazed state to look for slinkys.Lil'C runs up "whats wrong with you two?"
"we want to get a slinky"
he runs in front of you and stands in your way "what are you talking about it's just a spring"
"it's slinky it's slinky"
"for fun it's the best of the toys" you say as you walk pass him
one of his heads bites onto your pant leg to try to stop you but due to insufficient weight just gets dragged behind you while his other heads tell you to snap out of it.

The harpies arrive, winging in on high.
The harpies see the slinky commercial playing from the sky with their enhanced vison.
The harpies' woman (girl) heads start going "slinky, slinky..." hypnotized.

The harpies' bodies (though not those of women), suddenly lacking all coherent instruction from the brains, begin to make walking-like movements in the direction of the store and the source of the commercial. Their wings, on the other hand, stop beating - midair. HIGH UP in the air.

The harpies fall like bricks several hundred feet short of where you, oblivious are still moving like a zombie towards the store. They fall, crashing into the ground with the sound of bones breaking, claws and talons cracking, necks realigning themselves in painful and sometimes lethal positions, and a giant SPLAT! THUD! CRASH! sound. They fall, still chanting "it's slinky, it's slinky, for fun it's the best of the toys...", eyes glazed.

The harpies still left alive continue to chant "slinky..." weakly, but none are left capable of actual movement, and many harpy lady voices fade into nothing as they die.


As the sound of the SPLAT! THUD! CRASH! reaches Lil'C, one of his heads turns to see what the commotion was. At first all it sees is a lot of dust, with the occasional feather, but as the dust clears, and Lil'C perceives the fate of the harpies, he lets go of you completely, all of his heads turning and looking at the spectacle in sheer shock. As the faint sounds of "slinky..." reach him from the harpies, his three sets of jaws drop further.
"What the ...?? Even harpies are affected by this? They aren't more than half-human - and that's the best of them. Most aren't even THAT much! There is something definitely wrong about all of this!!" He turns and runs back to where you are now, passes you, and darts in to the store, where he sees the most gruesome sight he's EVER seen (and that's saying something!)



"A slinky-like-like monster?" What is this? Zelda-a-la-slinky!?"